farewell.

After saying goodbye so many times, the thought of farewell still makes me sad and lonely. Because even though people say “we’ll keep in contact”, it’s usually a promise waiting to be broken.

If I’ve learnt anything about working life, it’s that it’s almost impossible to juggle with your social life and more often than not, the relationships with the friends you had, that you no longer see everyday, start to change whether you like it or not.

I like to pretend that everything is still the same but deep down I know it’s not. Which is why I’m dreading the future.

Because the future, be it next week or 4 months from now, leaves me sad and lonely.

The worst feeling is to miss something so much your heart aches. And knowing that you can never have it back just makes things worse. Whoever made the quote “don’t cry cause it’s over, smile cause it happened.” is full of bullshit. Because having once owned something, you’re more affected by the loss of it than you would be had it never been in your possession.

Saying goodbye only hurts when you know you’ll never say hello again. But then again, all sorts of goodbyes hurt when you don’t want to let go at all.

shitfuck

screw life.
screw humans.
screw feelings and emotions.

but.

always keep the faith.

/phail.

oh.

and kaili, if you see this. thanks for being the only one who reads this.

you’re amazing.
even if i don’t talk to you frequently enough for you to realize how much ily.
<3<3

human words are thin as paper.

what’s a promise?
legally, there’s a whole lot of mumbo jumbo about suing and not suing someone.

but realistically?
something people just say to get someone off their back?
“i PROMISE i’ll clean my room in 5 minutes.”
something people mention to create a false sense of security?
“i PROMISE we’ll be friends forever.”
“i PROMISE i’ll come out of the surgical theatre alive even-though-this-is-evasive-brain-surgery-we’re-talking-about.”

but promises are human words. sometimes they can be about as meaningless as the people who make them.

just cause someone says something, doesn’t mean they actually mean it.

there’s not that big of a difference between breaking a promise and lying.
you say something, it doesn’t happen.
different beginnings, same outcome.

a broken promise just sounds less evil than a lie.

but you know, whatever.
i learnt a long time ago to just take things as they come.
one day after another, one foot at a time.

and oh yeah, i PROMISE not to hate everyone who’s broken a promise.

growing stage? i’ve never grown.

It takes two hands to clap and create chemistry. But what if I’m crippled.
It’s rather difficult for someone to keep clapping for me all the time, while I make excuses for my crippled arm.

Without first knowing myself, how can I expect to know others.
But that’s not the way things should be done.
Because not everything should be about me.

There are a lot of reasons why people should stop being friends with me.
I’m careless. I’m calculative, forgetful, selfish, unreasonable and immature.
And I know my faults, but for some reason, never find a way to fix them.
It’s not like this hasn’t happened before.
And with a second time for something like this, perhaps it’s time to ponder how mature I am to keep my friends.

My brother once told me that if I continued the way I behaved, I would end up losing all my friends.
And well, I think that he might just be right.

I think, with the way I’m behaving, I might just lose myself.
What made me become skeptical?

Everyone wants a little attention. And I think I’ve had this conversation with myself before.
I’m a coward, by the way. Because I don’t face my fears. Nor anything that I should really face.

People should leave me.
I think I’m more dangerous around others.
Because if I’m alone. The only one that I can hurt, is myself.

Texas Star

I’m a Tex, I’m a Tex, I’m a Texas Star.

And I come from a place where the cowboys are.
I can swim, I can ride, I can throw a rope and run.
I can shoot very well on my six-shooter gun.

A song from camp. D:
It’s stereotypes like this that lead people to believing I used to ride cows to school.

I should change their thoughts about Texas. D:

SUJU came back. :D

i like to think i have i have little obsessions.

truth is, they’re all still there.
resting, sleeping.
somewhere under my skin.

waiting for each of their winters to pass and come back out of hibernation.

 

how many ways can a girl direct her heart? SERIOUSLY?

Someone Else

Ever wake up wanting to be someone else?

What is the extent that a person can go to day dreaming?
I mean, there should be a cap on such things, right?
No daydreaming you have double D nunganungas or a waist as thin as Achmed’s.
No daydreaming about being someone other than yourself.

Because daydreaming really does a person no good at all. You keep telling yourself that you’d rather be someone else, rather than stuck in your own life. That’s gotta be a big blow to the ego. Even if you are the one poking at it.

But then again, I still do wish I was someone else.

Yet, I want to stay exactly as I am.

Cept, not really.

ARGH.

I hate the end of school-years.

Especially when it comes around festive seasons.
Cause then you have a bunch of work to complete, but no time or mood.
Which really just makes you procrastinate and screw things up.
And you end up in a pile of bullcrap.

Screw school. DDD:

Screw studies. I want the fast road out of here.

Wimps

I’m brave. So says myself.

People who’ve been to my house’ll know I have a FOREST for a balcony.
My dad tends to have these plants with thorns and stuff on them. And when he planthandles them, he never wears gloves.

And so he gets stuff stuck in his hands.

And I’m responsible for getting them out.

 

With a needle.

Talk about squirmish much. I can NOT stand gore. Technically it’s not gore, but if you’re talking about sticking a needle into someone’s hand, it’s just not right.

But I HAVE TO DO IT. And today. He gave me this one damned thorn that I COULDN’T EVEN SEE. It was in that deep. And if you’re wondering…

No, it didn’t come out.

My brother’s SUCH a wimp, though. He couldn’t look even while holding the torchlight. Ended up shining the damn thing in all the wrong places. My mom and brother are wimps.

Damn them. I shouldn’t have to do this.

I’m a wimp too. D: